THE BENEFITS OF LIVING ALONE ​​

​I’ve been in California for seven weeks now, living in my motor home, in a place I am not familiar with. It is the first time in my 67+ years that I have lived alone. During week four, I read an article on why you should live alone at least once in your lifetime. It highlighted many of the benefits, and despite my mind’s initial fears and concerns, I saw that I had already experienced most of them. I have learned so much about my mind, my resourcefulness, my creativity, my life, and the people in my life, which I don’t think I could have learned as quickly or as effectively in any other way.

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            When you love others unconditionally, you don’t love them for what they do for you, give to you, or bring to your life. You love them and appreciate them for the beautiful souls that they are. You notice their limitations but choose to focus on their potential. You look for ways to serve them, without expecting them to serve you in return. As a result of your love, you keep your finger on the pulse of their minds, emotions, and physical experiences. You are completely attuned to them and assist them on the inner and the outer, whenever you feel it is intuitive to do so. At times, your love is appreciated and reciprocated. At other times, it may be resented or rejected because it is either too painful or too confronting for them to accept this level of love.

 

            My little Chihuahua Foxy is extra clingy today. She needs to be held close. Her most secure position is to be draped over my shoulder, while I give her a long, deep hug. I had to leave Foxy home alone yesterday while I did errands, since the temperature was too warm to leave her in the car. She is often confused about this because Daisy, my service dog, accompanies me everywhere I go. Foxy has had a rough life. She lived in a puppy mill, locked up in a cage, all alone, producing one litter of puppies after another. She was never properly socialized and is easily frightened, despite the loving and patient care I have offered her for the past several years.

 

            Foxy and I work things out one hug at a time. This morning, as I hug Foxy, I realize she needs reassurance that I will be with her today. I will not leave her alone to suffer in her confusion. I know that dogs don’t always understand our words, but they acutely understand our intentions. I explain to Foxy that I can’t always take her with me. I leave her behind because I love her, not because I don’t care. I find myself saying to her, “It’s harder for me to leave you than it is for you to be left.” I quickly realized that this is not true. I have the gift of understanding that I leave her behind because she is loved. She, on the other hand, has no idea why she is being left behind. She feels ostracized from her pack. She has done no offense that she can fathom that warrants this treatment.

 

            I relate to her feelings and her loneliness, because I love her unconditionally. For the most part, loving unconditionally is a blissful place to be. However, at times it can feel like the loneliest place to be. You love purely for the sake of loving. You are consistently there for others, but others are not always at a level of awareness to love you unconditionally in return.

 

            Yesterday I found myself sitting in my car, with little Daisy. I had just left a doctor’s appointment. I was not well. I was dizzy, nauseous and slightly disoriented. I wasn’t sure if I could safely drive back to the motor home. I was somewhat surprised to find myself in this position. My mind wondered if anyone had their fingers on the pulse of my life, my needs and my happiness. I did an inner check. It appeared that no one knew that I was in any type of distress. I think of all the times that I reached out to someone, when I felt his or her need. I remember how surprised and relieved they were to hear from me. My mind wishes that someone would call and reach out to me. I am reminded of a friend who recently said that she seldom called me because she knew that a couple of my other friends called on a regular basis. It seemed to me like a strange thought process to have. I wondered if she would decline an invitation to a Birthday Party based on the same logic “I didn’t go because I knew that other people were going.”

 

I think back on the article listing the benefits of living alone:

 

Confidence Booster

Yes. I do feel more confident, independent, mentally sharper, and emotionally balanced.

 

Resourcefulness

Yes. I am more resourceful, more creative, and much more attuned to the task of personal survival than I have been in years.

 

More Control Over Personal Space

Yes. My living space is now a daily reflection of my very own vibratory rate, my level of consciousness, my daily moods, and my relationship with the objects I dwell with. If there are crumbs on the counter and dirty dishes in the sink, it’s because I put them there.

 

Quiet Time

Yes. I have an amazing amount of quality, quiet time. I can literally hear myself think. I am an open channel. I am deeply aware of the God energy and its role in my life.

 

            The article didn’t really delve into the downside of living alone in a strange place, without the advantages of knowing where you are going, how to get there, and who you can turn to for help. I know we are not designed to live alone for long periods of time. It takes a toll on our psyche. We are designed to live in closely knit groups – tribes, with extended families. My mind brings up a fear that I will live alone for the rest of my days. This isn’t something that I want. I thank my mind for bringing up the fear. This is the mind’s way of letting me know that I am on a track of being alone forever. It is telling me that if I don’t want this scenario, I need to actively invent being on a different track. I assure my mind that I will clearly define the track I want to be on, and together we will invent a new outcome.

 

            I am consciously reinventing my situation, and my new track is unfolding before my eyes. My time alone will be limited. This is a much-needed spiritual retreat. I am learning a great deal about myself as I stand alone and look in the mirror. The roles of wife, mother, teacher, and friend fall away, and I am amazed by what I see. The body is aging. Its energy is low. The spiritual light within is flickering. Will it go out? Is it nearing the end of this experience? Some of what I see makes my mind feel sad. The person in the mirror looks so tired, so alone. Her death grip on life has left her exhausted and weary. She wants a long, luxurious rest. A faint voice whispers words of encouragement, “Let go, let go.”  Her grip begins to relax. Her hands open fully. She breathes deeply and lets out a long-needed sigh. The God energy begins to flow freely again, releasing the tension she carries. She is at a crossroads. A choice must be made between a new life and death. Both are transitions to a new experience. It is not an either/or choice. Both are meant to occur in a never-ending cycle that repeats itself, often multiple times within a single lifetime. We can choose to celebrate the death of our old life and joyfully embrace the birth of an exciting new one, or we can desperately cling to the old and keep trudging forward in sorrow, until the day arrives when we leave the physical reality altogether. On that day, we will review our lives to evaluate our spiritual progress. We will think of our loved ones and hope that our love will carry on in their hearts and sustain them when they are confronted with their own life-or-death choices.

 

            In the final moments we will experience extreme clarity about our true purpose:

 

1. To love all of God’s Creations unconditionally.

2. To love ourselves as one of God’s precious creations.

3. To allow others to love us in return.

 

            We will take stock of the deep spiritual love we are capable of and see how generously we have shared it. Did we spend it freely and unconditionally on all of God’s creations? Did we love ourselves completely and fully, or did we focus on loving everyone except ourselves, thinking we didn’t matter or weren’t worthy of love? We will realize that we are love itself and therefore cannot and should not ever be denied.

 

            You don’t need to wait for your final day on this earth to evaluate your spiritual progress. You can live in a consistent state of self-examination. The process is simple and doesn’t take a lot of time. You can step back at any given moment and ask, “Do I feel loving? Do I feel loved?” The answers will instantly reveal if you are truly fulfilling your purpose and living the life you were meant to live.